Home' Aurora : Aurora March 2015 Contents 9
www.mn.catholic.org.au Catholic Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle
When you made the decision to
leave your husband, I imagine
you experienced a rollercoaster
of emotions leading up to this
time. Your grieving and wor ry
about the past and the future
star ted before you left as you weighed
up the reasons, emotions and alter natives .
However, for the other per son, in this case
your ex-husband, grieving began after you
left and you may see significant signs of
distress now. Usually the person who did
not initiate the break-up (in this case your
ex-husband) str uggles to come to ter ms
with the separ ation and may fall quite hard
and seem unable to move for ward.
However, it is impor tant to create clear
boundaries (a s much as possible) for your
new relationship with your ex-par tner.
If you feel you made the right decision
in leaving him, it is impor tant to remind
your self of this so that you don't allow your
guilt to create mixed messages or confusing
situations with your ex-husband.
As a result of this separ ation, lots of things
have changed and focusing on these
changes and planning for them can make
you feel more in control of your life. There
are many choices you can make at this
difficult time such as :
• Survive -- one day at a time
• Learn new skills or brush up on old skills
-- do you need to learn anything new as
a result of the separation?
• Be there for your children
• Be kind to your self and look after your
• Don't get hooked into arguments with
• Recover and rebuild your life, one day at
As much as you need to spend time on
making pr actical and financial decisions for
your new life, it is just as impor tant to look
after your self, emotionally. If you look after
yourself, you will also be able to respond
to your children's emotional needs at this
difficult time. If you have concer ns about
how your ex-husband is coping, talk to
him first about your concerns. If, however,
you are still wor ried, contact his friends or
relatives to ensure he has suppor t around
him. His suppor t per son cannot be you
as the nature of your relationship has
Some ways of looking after your self may be :
• Talk to tr usted people about your
situation and how you are feeling.
• Stay engaged with your friends and
continue to socialise.
• Exercise is important -- even a daily
• Get enough sleep.
• Allow time for r elaxation.
• Limit alcohol intake.
• Use your emotions in a productive
way and immerse your self in your daily
routines including children, home and
friends, family or a counsellor if you feel
this will help.
I encour age you to take small, achievable
steps towards your new life. You may also
consider reading Women and Separation
-- Managing New Horizons by Beyond Blue
and Relationships Australia. You can also
download it here :
CatholicCare's Counselling Team
Leader, registered psychologist
Tanya Russell, will address an
issue each month.
The advice provided is general
in nature and does not replace
ongoing support and advice
from your health professional.
To talk to someone about
counselling support, P 4979 1172.
Email your question to
write to Aurora-CareTalk PO
Box 756 Newcastle 2300.
I left my husband late last year due to many years of conflict. This decision was not easy because we have
two young children. I thought that once I left, I would feel better but instead, I feel deep guilt and worry
about my husband. It doesn't make sense that he is barely coping as he did agree that we would never
be able to work our differences out. This guilt is really bringing me down and I don't know how to pull
myself up and keep moving forward with the new life I wanted for me and my children. Where do I start?
Australian Catholic Superannuation -- offices in Brisbane, Canberra, Perth, Port Macquarie, Sydney, Townsville
t 1300 658 776
SCS Super Pty Limited, ABN 74 064 712 607, AFSL 230544, RSE L0002264 Trustee of Australian Catholic Superannuation & Retirement Fund, ABN 24 680 629 023, RSE R1055436. This document is not intended to be financial advice, therefore, you should consider obtaining independent financial
advice before making any decisions about your benefits in the fund. Refer to the Product Disclosure Statement and fact sheets available on our website. The Australian Catholic Superannuation financial planning service is offered through an arrangement with Industry Fund Services Limited (AFSL 232514)
Visit catholicsuper.com.au/salarysacrifice for a free online presentation
Think about your extra super
If you expect to travel a longer journey, you will need to
top up your tank so you don't run out of petrol.
Likewise, if you plan to save enough funds to support
yourself after retirement--contributing more now so
you can go the distance with sufficient income for a
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