Home' Aurora : Aurora September 2015 Contents 9
www.mnnews.today/aurora-magazine Catholic Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle
This is an awkward situation and
especially so due to your desire
to approach this with kindness.
It seems that you have thought
carefully about this relationship
and the value it brings (or
doesn't bring) into your life. You
know you are ready for change when
the pain of remaining in the relationship
becomes more difficult than the pain
There are a few ways to approach this
sad ending, directly and indirectly. There
is no single way to end friendships
successfully; even if you do so for the
right rea sons, it won't feel good. Over
time, if you have made the right decision
for you, you may feel a sense of relief as
well as some grief.
If you feel that the r elationship was
mostly one-sided and you wer e the
one who made the effor t in keeping
communication open, you could
attempt to gently "fade out" of your
friend's life. You may choose no longer
to initiate contact and if there are
phone calls, you could provide vague
responses about the best time to meet.
However, this may leave unanswered
questions for your friend, especially if
you did have a close relationship.
If you feel you would like to provide
some explanation and be clear about
your intentions, you could try
• Ar r ange for a face-to -face catch-up
and if this is not possible, at least a
• Be prepared about what you want
to say but also careful in how you say
it. If you want to be kind, don't take
a 'blame' approach. You may instead
talk about the actual relationship and
focus on the way you two have been
interacting and how that no longer
works for you. Be honest about
how the relationship has made you
feel; as you have said above , you feel
exhausted. You don't say that your
friend or her personality is to blame,
but again, the way you two have
communicated over time has resulted
in this feeling.
• If your friend attempts to make
promises that you feel will be broken
again, do show some kindness but also
be firm if your decision remains
• If your friend insists things can
improve or change and you don't feel
confident that your message is clear,
you could suggest having some time
apar t so that you can think about
things and digest what she ha s said.
But don't leave your friend hanging for
too long -- both of you deser ve
Once you have spoken to your friend
about ending the relationship, tr y to
act out that resolve so that there is no
misunderstanding in the future.
CatholicCare's Counselling Team
Leader, registered psychologist
Tanya Russell, will address an
issue each month.
The advice provided is general
in nature and does not replace
ongoing support and advice
from your health professional.
To talk to someone about
counselling support, P 4979 1172.
Email your question to
write to Aurora-CareTalk
PO Box 756 Newcastle 2300.
I would like some advice on how to end a friendship in the kindest possible way. This person has been in my
life for a long time but I feel the relationship is no longer healthy for me. I believe my kindness has been taken
advantage of over the years and when I have tried to talk to my friend about how her behaviour has impacted
on me, nothing really changes. I no longer feel I have the energy to support this exhausting relationship.
THE KINDEST CUT
To learn more, phone 4979 1196 or visit www.mn.catholic.org.au.
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